Daily Racism

I'm in a bar with a mate I've known for around 20 years. We're having a good chat and a young American woman asks to join the conversation and in the way they do, takes over and tries to force a Drumpf conversation on us.

I step in immediately and have to spend the rest of the evening explaining my right to reject having others determine how, what, my conversation is. I don't mention his name, I knew all the 'terrible' facts she was insisting it was important to discuss, knew and was discussing them before she was born. 

Refuse attempts at education by those less educated is my motto. When socialising talk about stuff that inspires to action rather than magnifies a sense of powerlessness and lack of control. Re address Americans belief that theirs is the most important, influential (only if YOU allow it to influence your choices and I don't), country, topic on the planet.

I could go on about the above at length it was a long and repetitive conversation, as it is when one side won't listen/hear and the other (me) is intractable.

Anyway at a certain point the girl asks where I am from. I reply as is true I am from England at which point my - not friend - says

"Oh, but you are going to tell her where your mum is from aren't you."

"Why would I? She didn't ask about my mum."

But you are proud of where your mother comes from aren't you?"

At which point I am forced to enquire as to whether she would be asking the same questions, of any of the other English women she hangs out with.

"But I like your mum so much." Has me employing my newly awakened calm, focused voice of 'previous rage'

"Do you have any idea just how offensively racist that is? If you defend any of those statements or try to justify them we are done." Of course she still did but, luckily checked herself and apologised eventually.

 It did take at least three times of telling her to let it go, combined with refusing to listen to any of the things she so desperately wanted to say to try and deny her racism.

What I find most distressing is the fact that this is the mother of two mixed heritage daughters. Both of whom, to be perfectly honest, totally reflect the identity confusion, self oppression and benign race hate that the white mothers of politically black children inflict on their offspring.

I am focused on being grateful that she eventually listened, heard, realised and then apologised.

But you know, these conversations, rip into your being, they shred your psyche. 

This is someone  who considers them self sound. This is a woman who has in all the time I've known her only had relationships with black men. Who is raising daughters who actually undermine the black liberation struggle (as do - unintentionally - far too many mixed heritage people, with their abused self images).